We grieve any loss that causes a significant change to our lives.  Grief is the intense emotional suffering we experience when there is a loss, while mourning is the expression of that grief.  It is not uncommon for people to question how long grief will last.  Since it can be a painful experience, we want to quickly get better.  The goal is not to “get over” the loss, but rather to integrate it into our lives moving forward.  Although there are no formulas which guarantee the resolution of grief, developing an understanding of the grief process can be helpful.  
The experience of grief and the mourning process involves many changes in the life of the individual.  These changes are the result of the primary loss.  This may be a loss due to the death of a loved one, the demise of a marriage, relocation of a home due to job change/loss, military deployment, incarceration of a loved one or any significant loss that drastically alters one’s word.  Secondary losses are a host of additional losses that are a consequence of our primary loss.  Grieving our secondary losses is a normal and healthy aspect of adapting to the changes in our life and creating our ‘new normal’.  Just as our grief is unique to us, so are the secondary losses we experience. Below is a list of common secondary losses experienced:
 
Loss of Family Structure: The family unit is forced to change due to a significant loss.  Daily routines, behaviors and roles are adjusted.  Family members adapt to new responsibilities or jobs around the house. 
Loss of Support System: relating to friends, family members, acquaintances, co-workers and community members looks different.   Sometimes others are unsure of how to interact and support those grieving.  It’s not uncommon for those who have been there for us in the past, not able to support us as we mourn our loss.  In addition, new relationships are strengthened as we discover those who can provide the support needed as we grieve.
Loss of Future Dreams: It is human nature to make plans and create hopes and desires for us and those we love.  Some losses have the influence to make those plans, hopes and dreams cease.  They can also limit our ability to resolve unfinished business.  The future now is uncertain. 
Loss of Self: We invest much of our identity in the roles we play and the relationships we nurture.  The loss of and changes in these roles and relationships alter the way we look and feel about ourselves.  It may have an influence on us to feel ‘not whole’.  This tends to lead to feelings of inadequacy and lack of self-confidence.
This process takes much longer than expected or desired.  Receiving support to assist in navigating the grief process can offer guidance in working through feelings and developing coping strategies. For over 25 years, Melissa Minkley has supported individuals, families, and communities as they navigate a life- altering diagnosis, end of life transition and grief.  Her personal experience of loss has given Melissa deep insight into the impact grief has on individuals, families and friends.  Reach out to her to schedule a session by calling or emailing her at:  262-751-3910 / [email protected]

Listen to the Silence; for it has much to say

I have been drawn to silence ever since I was a little girl. I was not much one for loud noise, big crowds and lots of activity. I am now in my late 50’s and consider silence one of my greatest teachers. I am both blessed and grateful that both my personal life and professional life allow me the daily practice of being in/being with the silence. I am a practicing massage therapist & body-worker. My work is most effective when offered in silence. My personal life is shared with my husband Tom, who also appreciates the quiet simple gifts of life.

I would like to share with you an excerpt from the book titled: Illuminated Life; authored by Joan Chittister:

“The racket and jingle of life – masking as music, news and sitcoms have become the sound barriers to the soul. They protect us from listening to ourselves. What the contemplative knows that modern society has forgotten, it seems, is that the real material of spiritual development is not in books, (not in the noise and outward activity… my words) it is in the subject matter of the self. It is in the things we think about, in the messages we give ourselves constantly, in the civil war of the human soul that we wage daily. But until we are quiet and listen, we can never ever know what is really going on ~ even in ourselves; especially in ourselves. Silence leaves us with only ourselves as company.  A day without silence is a day without the presence of self. The pressure and pull of a noisy day denies us the comfort of God.”

*My work as a massage therapist and Hakomi trained body-worker offers each client a place of Stillness, Quiet Attentiveness and Rest. I invite you to go below the surface; to listen to the silence. Perhaps the only thing missing is you.

                                                                                 Be Still and Know

Article in the Oconomowoc Focus

By Donna Frake

Posted: July 29, 2014

A new center dedicated to offering a wide array of healing and wellness services has opened on the shores of Lac La Belle in the Center for Life Enrichment on the Shorehaven Campus.

"We are a group of holistic oriented professionals whose mission is to inspire, educate and empower our clients to embrace and follow the path to healing and wholeness," explained Kathy Ginn, the creative force behind 4 Rivers Center for Well Being.

"We work together as a team to create optimal well-being no matter where you are in your river of life. Our services are as diverse as the populations we serve. Our center is anchored with a holistic nurse practitioner, soon to be credentialed as a Naturopathic Physician. The core of our services include massage therapy, transformational bodywork, nutritional guidance, employee wellness, Esthetican services providing organic skin care, oncology massage, end of life care, grief education and mind/body support along with a variety of community education classes," she said.

Ginn, who was born and raised in Oconomowoc, returned to the area in 2013 after being away for more than 35 years.

"I began a small massage therapy practice inside the Center for Life Enrichment," she explained. Earlier this year, a medical clinic next to the cafe became available.

"I wanted to be close to an established community, and yet be a separate business. My parents, Leafy and Mabel Zastrow, lifetime residents of Oconomowoc, both died at Shorehaven in 2012. As the creative force behind 4 Rivers, I am dedicating the center in honor of them. This is really the deeper roots of this center and particular location," she said.

Ginn committed to the space in June.

"I began my search for like-minded practitioners who held similar values regarding health, healing and professional and personal integrity," Ginn said.

The center has the services of five massage therapists on staff.

"I also knew I wanted to have a Naturopathic Physician as part of our team, as an anchor so to speak. I met Sandi Oguzlu by accident. I shared my vision and she has now joined us. Sandi is a holistic nurse practitioner, soon to be credentialed as a Naturopathic Physician. I so wanted to create a collaborative, supportive, and fun environment among the practitioners. I believe we are finding that synergy," Ginn said.

The center's services are grounded in a "holistic and integrative approach to healing and well-being," she said.

"Our practitioners are all seasoned, with years of experience in their specific field. Our services 'touch' everybody — from birth to end of life. A few of the special populations we serve are massage therapy for those living with and recovering from cancer, end of life touch therapy, those experiencing grief and loss, nurturing and restful touch for the caregiver, active senior to the frail elder, and military veterans. We also offer rehabilitation and sports massage therapy. A large part of our motivation is to support the aging 'baby boomer' with a unique and innovative approach to aging and wellness," Ginn added.

Important to the center is its strong educational component.

"We offer a variety of classes in health and wellness, body/mind grief support, mindfulness and embodiment and Spiritual Retreats. This component continues to grow and expand," she said.

Feedback since the center opened earlier this month has been positive,

"Many people are enthusiastically advocating our services. They love the location along with the unique and broad variety of services we offer," Ginn said.

Take the opportunity to visit the center during a planned Meet and Greet from 2- 7 p.m. on Sept. 12.

For more information, visit the website at http://www.4riverscenter.com/